Panic on Board

Series: The Summer of the Ocean

Panic on board

As a young teenager eager for experiences, I didn’t think twice when my father suggested going on a boat trip with one of his childhood friends. There was no way I could refuse. So, let’s go! The ship sailed on and on… Nothing special, don’t worry: just a small fishing boat. We set off on a short trip out to sea. For me, though, it was much more than that. It was the call of the open sea and the vastness of the ocean. Perhaps it was even freedom! Isn’t that what Dzogchen offers: the natural freedom of the mind (sems nyid rang grol) and, at its heart, emptiness (stong pa nyid)? Not sure… Let’s go see.

There are several ways to seek freedom at sea. Flying above it will have to wait for another summer season. For now, let’s stay on the ground – or rather, at sea. Because while we can seek a feeling of freedom by sailing far, far away, ever further, it is also possible to seek it by going deep, very deep, ever deeper — horizontally or vertically. The choice is yours!

Just like the quest for freedom on the path of Dzogchen, diving is not without risks. Beware of nitrogen narcosis. It’s the intoxication that divers feel around a hundred feet underwater. Dissolved nitrogen acts as a mild anaesthetic on the mind — a bit like alcohol — which can sometimes be difficult to resist. Reckless and inexperienced divers can become obsessed with seeking stronger experiences of “freedom” — even the great emptiness of the deep sea and the oceanic void — which can lead to panic. Seeking intense meditative experiences — experiences of natural freedom and emptiness — can be compared to this.

 “It is not emptiness, of which no limited experience can be had in Dzogchen, but it is certainly an initial experience of conceptual freedom, the first liberation from the very concept of what we believe to be reality…” 

If the liberating descent into the void is risky, the ascent can be just as risky. A too-quick return to the surface can result in decompression sickness — similar to a somewhat abrupt exit from a meditative retreat. It is important to know how to bring experiences of “freedom and emptiness” back to the surface. In both cases, the transition must be gradual, allowing time to acclimate to the new environment.

And what about our trip out to sea? Let’s return to horizontality. We set out to sail, not to dive, even if in both cases it is to experience a little bit of freedom. But the freedom referred to in spiritual traditions is perhaps not an absence of constraints or limits as in this case. If it is, then it is total, complete, and ultimate. Could this be what we call emptiness? Well, not exactly…

Or perhaps it would be the beginnings of it, like a first glimpse of mental space without characteristics, a nonconceptual and direct perception of reality — liberation from all concepts.

But are we sure we want this ”freedom-emptiness”? Because when we have such experiences of freedom without concepts, everything risks to be transformed and moments of panic may arise because reality approached without concepts… can be quite overwhelming!

More precisely, this emptiness (Skt. śūnyatā; Tib. stong pa nyid) corresponds to the emptiness of inherent existence, or the absence of self-existence of phenomena (Skt. nairātmya or anātman; Tib. bdag med), that is, the absence of any permanent, independent, and singular entity. Therefore, it is quite different from the feeling of having no limits and being able to move forward “into the void” — regardless of the direction taken!

Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche sometimes said that on the Buddhist or Dzogchen path, the Master is there to ensure that the ground is constantly shifting beneath our feet, to “pull the rug out from under our feet” — as if we were suspended in emptiness. Panic on board! This certainly has to do with these experiences of emptiness, of real freedom…

Although it is quite different, what also makes me think of this is the end of my little experiment in the open sea. Once I have jumped into the water and the boat’s engine has stopped, I scanned the horizon, 360 degrees. Apart from the boat, there was nothing but sea. This was indeed the open sea and the freedom I had imagined. But after this initial sense of openness passed, I felt uneasy: the sensation of my body in the water overwhelmed me. My legs dangled down into the void. Do you know that feeling of having literally nothing under your feet and kicking them in the boundless aquatic space? Is it panic or freedom?

It is not emptiness, of which no limited experience can be had in Dzogchen, but it is certainly an initial experience of conceptual freedom, the first liberation from the very concept of what we believe to be reality…

Recognizing that moment of panic in the face of “emptiness”: thoughts racing, observing their empty nature and remaining there — is that an experience of emptiness? Not yet. Rather, it is an experience of reality without conceptual characteristics. Perhaps a direction for an approach to emptiness. In any case, there is both panic and freedom.

In light of this experience, I tell myself that it will take a long time to learn to become familiar with real natural freedom, with emptiness… That’s perfect because it’s summer and it might not be the last one, as the training will likely last a number of summers! In any case, for now, I have time to practice quietly. So, everyone, let’s jump into the water!